Disassociation

On the fast track to kill myself soon, tore my body up with all the shit I've been doin, don’t eat, can’t sleep, haven’t smiled since my peak, killing myself indirectly is the shit that makes me weak
I don’t wish for death but I'll take it if it’s necessary, very rarely am I scary, but my looks are ghastly (very) actin like Halle Berry, keep away, please be wary, haven’t acted like myself since the day my papaw was laid and buried
Man, that shit ate me up, hit me like a semi-truck, ever since that faithful day I was burdened with microscopic luck, pickin off the fuckin guck, kickin off the fuckin rust, rain showers fallin from the eyes of a man you cannot trust
How do you learn to trust someone who don’t know how to trust himself?
I’m losin all touch with these thoughts in my brain and I’m feeling insane, that I’m livin this way, is my livin in vein, should i live another day?

I’m gettinfed up with how my emotions get interrupted
Sitting alone in my room till the anger bursts and the rage erupted
Brains corrupted, health’s disrupted, movin out of my conscience, my minds disruptive
Man I'm to the point where I leave my own friends disgusted
I’m in a rut, I gotta cut, all emotions and pierce my gut
Man I'm stuck, this ain’t what, I thought my 20s would be, I feel unjust
I'm only 19 but my mind ain’t older
The older I get, the more my mind grows colder
Man these ain’t bars, no I actually want some fucking help
But everyone’s got their own opinions so for now I'm by myself
My momma tries her best but I never know how to explain it to her
I'm afraid to break her heart so I've forced myself to preserver
I think about the point of living and realize I don't know the answer
Talking to myself got me feeling like a necromancer
I take my anger and rage and I bottle it up inside my head for months
I tried to keep it locked inside but I wanna be fucking happy for once