Confessions

Where to start I don't know but I think it's time for a heart to heart
All these things I kept inside are tearing me apart
Wanna get this off my chest, I don't need no remarks
Time to light the spark, ready to start
Time to go in my mind it's a scary place
I hate to do this but got to anyway
Jesus said that I need to reveal what makes me go insane
Get it in the open and expose what the enemy has been poking at me

Time to go in my core
I'm ready for all of it to end and be no more ready to expose it
Board up all the doors, light the fire inside
Burn up all the floors, time to make it burn bright
Are you ready to see, what's at my feet, are you
Come and grab a seat, ready for the debut
This is really me in my past life
Got your tickets no receipts no refunds
This may sting like a bee, I will not retreat
This is who I was before I came to be, the christian I am now
This may be profound, if you disagree
Find another sound, if your staying here, keep a quiet mouth
Guide me Holy Spirit, let me take and smear it on this page
The things that I be fearing, without interfering
Time to get the mirror, let us clean it clearer
Then we'll see everything I be keeping in, all my darkest sins
This really hard for me to let 'em in
But it's time right now, not to water down
My whole life before I start to really drown
I don't need a crown, headaches start to pound
Skip the ibuprofen Time to let it
Let us say it loud, ready for the breakdown

Some people may think that my life has been working
But that is far from it the truth is I'm broken
What they don't know is that i used to turn
To the smoking of cigarettes and weed and owned it
Many-a-times I would turn to the drinking of alcohol, feeling like I was alone
On my phone, my internet history, it was so sickening, sexual notions got into me

That wasn't so bad but that was just a taste
That was just a glimpse of what was unknown, anyone relate
Time to dive in deeper, let me grab another plate
You don't wanna eat my cooking but it's not up for debate

This is for my Lord
He's the one that died for me and I will not ignore
The things that he commands of me
For when I was born, sin was my identity
But not anymore, ready for round two

I have some abandonment issues
And though I don't miss you I'll always remember the lies
That led me to think that you actually cared for me
But the thing is you were busy with guys
It's not an excuse but I felt like I needed to cope with the pain
So I gave what was mine
I hooked up with all of these girls
Trying to fill the hole and the damage I felt deep inside
Because I had many breakups and relationships
All of them ended in cutting my very skin
All of them ended in what would then begin many thoughts
Seeming very homicidal, a deep darkened feeling
No sense of revival, needed the Bible
But gave up and died, spiritually, and then empirically
Satan brought all of my demons, and laughed so satirically
I didn't know how to deal with it, so I kept doing it
All the drugs, sex, and drinks I be pouring
My body, I was just whoring it
Giving away what was sacred
While naked with people that didn't show love to me
Deeper and deeper I fell in myself
While the enemy had me down right to my knees
I could of got out because I had the keys
But i couldn't, because I had people appeased
What, they said they liked the old me
Went down a couple degrees
I felt my heart start to freeze
All of my demons came from my own deeds
I thought satan was my friend
Now I know never again
He can not hold me no more
Jesus saved me and showed me great remorse

This is a lot I know but just hear me out
If you wanna leave because of who I used to be, I'll see you around
But just know I really changed and want to make an impact
To attack the darkness
I'll work my hardest, this is how to get started

This is for my Lord
He's the one that died for me and I will not ignore
The things that he commands of me
For when I was born, sin was my identity
But not anymore, anymore

And then the alter ego don't get me started
Made me feel defeat got cold hearted
He lived in my mind, so I couldn't find, my identity in lord Jesus Christ
Made me slip away, hatred every day
Toward the people that had hurt me every way
Didn't care about my loved ones and my family
While I as digging my own grave
Yes I was a slave, the one they call Satan
He's the one that gave me these dark sensations
He's the one cutting off all my relations
My patience at that time it had no duration
He was my creation, but never did I
To intend for him to be killing me, stealing me
From the Lord God all the time he was drilling me
Making me into the demons that lived in me

This is for my Lord
He's the one that died for me and I will not ignore
The things that he commands of me
For when I was born, sin was my identity
But not anymore, anymore

This was who I used to be but not who I am now
I needed to release the tension, within my own house
I'm glad I got to share this with my therapist during our session
This my renewal and revival, this is my confession