Hail to Thee, Fat Person

I would like to explain how it came to pass that I got fat

Ladies and gentlemen, I got fat as a public service when I was a child,
My mother said to me,
"Clean the plate, because children are starving in Europe"
And I might point out that that was years before the Marshall Plan was ever heard of
So I would clean the plate, four, five, six times a day,
Because somehow I felt that that would keep the children from starving in Europe
But I was wrong They kept starving and I got fat

So I would like to say to every one of you who is either skinny or in some other way normal
When you walk out on the street, and you see a fat person,
Do not scoff at that fat person
Oh no!
Take off your hat, hold it over your heart, lift your chin up high and in a proud,
Happy voice say to him,

"Hail to thee, fat person! You kept us out of war!"